UTOPIAN Wedding! Cheers!

If marriages were thought to be sacrosanct and superlunary, well, I will consider that a good one! I just recently heard, a DDU pass out had spent 4 years of his college haplessly after a girl; at the end turns out the girl had romance in the X direction and Marriage in the Y. From all the experience I have inherited so far from my seniors – “at the graveyard, Romance is for the zombies” or “It’s a fairyland as long as you stare, after coming to reality paisa padi jay” and many others, I think it’s a pretty clear analogy 75% attendance is to a semester, as marriage is to a girl. No matter how much try catch exceptions you implement, it finally ends with the mirage deal breaker - marriage.

What I personally have never understood is the concept of Indian marriages (just to name one. I also don’t understand why good guys get “friendzoned”, or how girls can multi-task several boys at THE same time.) Every marriage I see a bride, an unanswered question arises, why on earth she would undergo such a torture! - High heels, heavy really heavy sarees, a minimum few kilos of makeup, a ton of jewelry and hell lot of safety pins. The guy, well he arrives on a horse pretty much sums up his story, a scapegoat. This is merely the foundation of insanity. The next bewildering function() is to stand and smile for almost a quarter of the day. People will push and pop out of a queue, but the bride and the groom have to bear the brunt. Smiling throughout the day, as if a joker is enacting in front of them. I have a hunch, 99%grooms end up giving their bride a foot massage (Yes, on the very first night!) I for one always feel as if brought to an aquarium. Begin a circular event and check out all the fishes, I mean food. Meet various people. Prepare to smile at any and every question asked by the relatives similar to the practice followed in viva-voce and continue having the utter boring small talks. One default question I get to hear every time is “Oh god you have grown up so much. So Tall!” As if the relative has found some time travel and had returned back the same age! Well once the initial formalities are done, constructer variables are initialized, guys get to eating, and girls get to gossiping, I mean socializing. I wonder if instead of sending marriage invitations, why not send Hotel Vouchers?! Should cut the deal…

Why this tradition has continued for eternity and beyond beats me. My personal opinion is, the so called happiest day of your life should be enjoyed and one should not feel having arrived at a zoo. The bride and groom should have a statue created just for the queue to click photos. The audience list should be called up in batches! Yes like we have for labs. This way the couple can spend quality time with their friends and loved ones. There should be a dress code, a person weighing half kg more than her actual weight on a normal day, barred from entering. And yes, before you write me off saying it’s a thinking of a mad man, think about how cool it would be to propose on a roller coaster ride and get married in a roller coaster park, or well getting inspired from “ajab prem ki gajab kahani”, getting married while being mobile! Yes my search is still on for an equally resonating utopian girl, but till then humming Shakespeare's “Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?” listening to Lara Teasdales “…But the kiss in Colin’s eye haunts me night and day” and focusing on managing notes for the next sessional exams.

-Antriksh Shah